Considering Parenthood: Balancing Hope and Fear for the Future
Image credit: Peter H from Pixabay
Next year I will be 30. Recently I was talking with my mum and we were joking about how at my age, she was pregnant with me. For me, the idea of having children is still a little while off. But as I get to a time in my life where friends around me are starting to have children, my thoughts around whether I will want to do the same in the not-too-distant future has become an increasing point of tension in my mind. What kind of world would I be bringing a child into? What would their future look like?
When I was in my early 20s, I became much more engaged with the climate crisis and activism. But there was a point at which I tipped over into fear and despair when thinking about the future of the planet, and I circled around feelings of climate anxiety. I read as much as I could to try and feel like I had some sort of agency in a situation in which I felt totally powerless. One book called ‘The Parable of the Sower’ written by Octavia E. Butler really stuck with me. It was written in 1993 but set in 2027 and was about an imagined future of a world where climate change was causing societal collapse. Despite being fiction, the themes of social unrest, economic disparity, and resource scarcity didn't feel unfamiliar. The dystopian descriptions reflected my fears about what the world might look like in my own lifetime, as well as worries about the world my potential children might inherit.
I had never questioned my desire to become a parent; it had always been a part of my imagined future. Now, however, I find it impossible to separate out the idea of having children from my fears for the planet. I know this is a privileged worry to have – having children is not an option for everyone, and for many around the world, the climate crisis is already an immediate threat. However, I am still left with mixed feelings about bringing children into a world where I would worry for their future. There’s no ‘right’ thing to do, but the question has made me reflect on how I engage with the climate crisis more generally.
Image credit: Kevin Snyman from Pixabay
Managing fears about the future and holding space for optimism
I find it difficult to engage in activism or news around the climate crisis without becoming overwhelmed. Balancing fear with optimism and hope isn’t easy. It feels even harder now I am considering having children, a decision which, for me, feels contingent on the progression of the climate crisis.
Over the last few years, when I have felt anxious about the climate crisis, I’ve been able to compartmentalise my worries – perhaps not the healthiest response, but one that has allowed me to stand back and focus on the positives. But now, as I consider whether I would like to have children, I'm finding it increasingly hard to do that. My fears for the planet have woven their way into my vision for my own future, something I haven’t yet figured out how to manage sustainably.
Grieving potential futures
Becoming a mother is something that I have always envisioned for myself, and something that I’d really like in my life. Of course there are ways of being a parent without having children yourself, but my worries about the climate crisis have also forced me to consider my life without children - a significant departure from the future that I have grown up imagining. I feel like I am grieving that possibility, and it feels like the loss of a potential version of myself. I feel a mixture of sadness, anger and frustration when I think about how actions of a few have already impacted many around the world and will impact the lives of future generations.
Recognising the positives
It all sounds like gloom and doom. But I also feel optimistic. I still feel hopeful that there is a future where we turn things around and mitigate the worst of the impacts, and adapt to the rest. Having children may also be a hopeful act in itself. Perhaps they could be part of the solution? In fact, my strong desire to become a mother has actually made me more optimistic in the face of the climate crisis. My wish to see a future world into which I would feel comfortable bringing children has led me to focus on the positives - on the progress being made towards stronger action, and on the wins that have already been achieved. In the past I wasn’t as good at holding space for optimism.
Image credit: Shlomaster from Pixabay
Some days the question around whether I’d like children leads me to optimism and a positive mindset about how things might change moving forwards and how we might adapt to the changing situation. On other days, the idea of starting a family fills me with dread, fear, and anger. Oscillating between these two states is exhausting, but living with the uncertainty of what the future holds is something we all have to learn to navigate. I still don’t know where I will end up, but writing these thoughts and sharing my feelings with others has been a really helpful place to start.
Author's Bio
Emma Wills is a researcher, currently living in London working in the field of health policy. Her background is in psychological and mental health research.
